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Internalised Homophobia

Internalised Homophobia
As we grow up we are taught the values of our society. In our homophobic,
heterosexist, discriminatory culture, we may learn negative ideas about
homosexuality and same-sex attraction. Like everyone else, LGB people
may be socialised into thinking that being non-heterosexual is somehow
“mad”, “bad”, “wrong” or “immoral”. This can lead to feelings of self-disgust
and self-hatred. These feelings can lead to “internalised homophobia” also
known as “internalised oppression”.
What is internalised homophobia?
Internalised homophobia and oppression happens to gay, lesbian and
bisexual people, and even heterosexuals, who have learned and been
taught that heterosexuality is the norm and “correct way to be”. Hearing
and seeing negative depictions of LGB people can lead us to internalise, or
take in, these negative messages. Some LGB people suffer from mental
distress as a result.
A general sense of personal worth and also a positive view of your sexual
orientation are critical for your mental health. You, like many lesbian, gay
and bisexual people, may have hidden your sexual orientation for a long
time. Research carried out in Northern Ireland into the needs of young
LGBT people in 2003 revealed that the average age for men to realise their
sexual orientation was 12, yet the average age they actually confided in
someone was 17. It is during these formative years when people are
coming to understand and acknowledge their sexual orientation that
internalised homophobia can really affect a person.
Internalised homophobia manifests itself in varying ways that can be linked
to mental health. Examples include:
01. Denial of your sexual orientation to yourself and others.
02. Attempts to alter or change your sexual your orientation.
03. Feeling you are never good enough.
04. Engaging in obsessive thinking and/or compulsive behaviours.

05. Under-achievement or even over-achievement as a bid for acceptance.
06. Low self esteem, negative body image.
07. Contempt for the more open or obvious members of the LGBT
08. Contempt for those at earlier stages of the coming out process.
09. Denial that homophobia, heterosexism, biphobia or sexism are serious
social problems.
10. Contempt for those that are not like ourselves or contempt for those
who seem like ourselves. Sometimes distancing by engaging in
homophobic behaviours – ridicule, harassment, verbal or physical attacks
on other LGB people.
11. Projection of prejudice onto another target group.
12. Becoming psychologically abused or abusive or remaining in an
abusive relationship.
13. Attempts to pass as heterosexual, sometimes marrying someone of the
other sex to gain social approval or in hope of ‘being cured’.
14. Increased fear and withdrawal from friend and relatives.
15. Shame or depression; defensiveness; anger or bitterness.
16. School truancy or dropping out of school. Also, work place absenteeism
or reduced productivity.
17. Continual self-monitoring of one’s behaviours, mannerisms, beliefs, and
18. Clowning as a way of acting out society’s negative stereotypes.
19. Mistrust and destructive criticism of LGBT community leaders.
20. Reluctance to be around or have concern for children for fear of being
seen as a paedophile.
21. Conflicts with the law.
22. Unsafe sexual practices and other destructive risk-taking behaviours-
including risk for HIV and other STIs.
23. Separating sex and love, or fear of intimacy. Sometimes low or lack of
sexual drive or celibacy.

24. Substance abuse, including drink and drugs.
25. Thinking about suicide, attempting suicide, committing suicide.
In their book, “Pink Therapy”, Davies & Neal (1996) illustrate some
examples of how internalised homophobia and oppression may affect gay
and bisexual men. Some of these examples include:
Fear of discovery:
where a person may try to hide his sexual orientation from family, friends,
work colleagues, etc, by “passing” as straight. He may also “pass” to
protect others, i.e. pretending that his partner with whom he lives with is
“just a good mate”.
Discomfort with other gay people:
men who prefer not to socialise on the gay scene for fear that they will be
seen going to/from those venues despite being comfortable going to gay
bars when abroad on holiday, or the man who chooses not to speak to
another gay man at work because “he is a bit camp and people may put
two and two together”.
putting down or even avoiding heterosexuals is an example of reverse
discrimination from some gay and bisexual people to heterosexual people.
Feeling superior to heterosexuals:
the idea that gay people are “better” than heterosexuals. Examples include
attitudes such as “gay men have a better dress sense than straight men” or
“gay men are better listeners than straight men”.
Being attracted to unavailable people:
an example may be a gay man who happens to “be in love with a friend
who’s straight”. When this pattern of being attracted to unavailable men is
repeated over and over, it may be the result of internalised homophobia.
Short-term relationships:
an example could be the person who works long hours, has a hectic
lifestyle, and when a partner wants to get to know you that bit more, you
may decide that your life is too busy for a relationship and that you want to
“keep things simple”.
Internalised homophobia and oppression can have a huge impact on your
mental health, as well as influence your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
Davies & Neal believe that it is virtually impossible for any gay or bisexual
man who has grown up in the UK or Ireland not to have internalised
society’s negative messages about homosexuality.

Article Comments

  • "It took me until 31 before I was able to properly accept myself and my sexuality. Up until this stage, I suffered pretty severe internalised homophobia. It was disturbing to witness how diffcult it was for me to accept and the lack of self-love that transpired due to my self-image and questioning the thoughts and feelings I had about myself."
  • - fuse13 (2nd of January 2019, 12:23:36 PM)
  • "I am mostly accepting of myself, but I still feel like other people can't accept me. I am gender fluid, but nobody respects me and everyone always assumes I am female."
  • - Alix21 (18th of February 2019, 01:03:49 AM)
  • "I'm in my late 20s and I've been out for years, but I still struggle with internalized homophobia at times. Being a minority can be tiring. It does get easier over time thankfully."
  • - LilyPots89xo (15th of September 2019, 01:45:58 PM)
  • "As a 33 year old male homophil, it's hard when you feel your own people don't accept or support you."
  • - Sinnoh Firefly (27th of May 2019, 11:20:24 AM)
  • "i am a 34 years old gay man, coming from a country (Nigeria), culture and people that sees my sexuality as an abominable act, and a taboo. i use to live in self denial because i couldn't understand and accept why i fell the way i do, have these type of feelings towards a man, why i am this way, and like what i like, i never accepted myself, i use to fight my thoughts, feel withdrawn and mostly see myself as a let-down, and continually thinking how people will see me....... I WAS NEVER ACCEPTED, BUT AS I GROW, AND THE MORE I DISCOVER MYSELF, and when i came to the uk , I BECAME MORE COMFORTABLE WITH ACCEPTANCE. ITS ALWAYS GOOD TO COME OUT, ITS A GREAT RELIEVE!."
  • - k.olupona (26th of September 2019, 06:52:20 AM)
  • "SELF DENIAL, and NON ACCEPTANCE can be a great source of stress, constant negative thinking, mental fatigue, and ultimately depression and constant anxiety which is a constant mental torture. That was and still my problem, but as a grow and begin to feel comfortable with myself through acceptance , i am able to live a better, healthier, and more happier life... I DECIDE TO SHARE MY JOURNEY WHILE I CONTINUE TO GROW AND MOVE ON, AS A MOTIVATION FOR ALL"
  • - k.olupona (26th of September 2019, 07:13:51 AM)

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